Communi-can’t

Dear Shreck – My boyfriend and I have been together for some time now, and I feel like he doesn’t talk to me anymore.  How can I get my significant other to communicate better?
     – Incommunicado
Dear Incommunicado,
Communication can be difficult in any relationship, and when it seems like your significant other isn’t keeping up, it can be frustrating. Here are a few tips to help get better communication flowing:
1)  Shut up. Many times, a man stops talking because he can’t find a place where you stop to take a big enough breath for him to utter a syllable. If you feel like the conversation is always one sided, it’s probably because you’re blabbermouth is firing rapid-shot, while he’s still trying to pull his mind away from in intensely pressing mental exercise of guessing how many cheetos he can fit in his bellybutton.
2)Timing is everything. I know your favorite game just happens to be “When can I ask my ridiculous question most inconveniently”, but when you interrupt REM sleep with stupid questions like “Do you think we’re soul mates?!”, you are only making him feel like you’re cell mates.
3) If you want a longer conversation, strip naked. Your man will have no choice but to pay attention to you instead of that sporting event he’s trying to follow on ESPN. He’s sure to surprise you with his multitasking abilities, as it may be the first time in a while you’ve seen him concentrate on 2 things at once.
Hope that helps – Shreck