Dear Shreck –
I’ve been a stay at home mom for a little over a year. Prior to staying home, I worked full time. Even while working I did my fair share of work around the house. I was always the one to cook and plan dinner. We would sometimes rotate grocery shopping, but for the most part it was me. I did the laundry for the most part. I’ve always been the planner when it comes to activities, parties and family gatherings that require work like bringing a dish or buying a gift.
Now that I’m a stay at home mom I still do all of that plus of course take care of my kids. Actually, now I would say I do all the grocery shopping plus take two kids with me. I do all the laundry. The second I became a stay at home mom I started picking up after the dog. I feel like I’m here so I should do what I can since my husband goes to work to support us. But, lately I’m becoming frustrated by the attitude that since I just stay at home all day I have all the time in the world to do things. I just learned to mow the lawn and now it seems that’s added to a weekly task. This morning was a breaking point when my husband asked me to empty the trash cans and take the trash out.
So, my question is..do I say something to my husband or just let it go? I know he works hard. But, I work my ass off too. Outside of what I do around the house, I take care of my kids. I work with them daily on numbers, letters, colors, rhyming, coordination; whatever applies to them at the moment. Also, while they are sleeping (naps, before they wake and after they go to bed) I work on music b/c that is my passion. I try to balance everything but it’s getting a little hard and I don’t appreciate the attitude that I just have time to spare every day.
– Desperate Housewife
There are very few things that feel worse than being under-appreciated. Having the flu and hangovers are two of them.
I would, first of all, stop doing anything. Don’t clean, don’t shop, don’t cook…just go do the things that you enjoy doing, like spending his hard-earned money on another pair of designer shoes you’ll only wear once…you know, to reward yourself for all the things you do at home! But make sure that you are home when he in from work, so you can calmly be sitting on the couch, watching Lifetime. Ask him when dinner is, and tell him that you’re out of milk. If he gets lippy, tell him you’re on strike until he learns to appreciate all the work you do.
This will work best if you get the kids involved. Make sure that they melt crayons in the dryer, leave small toys on the floor in high traffic areas, and are constantly pestering…you know, like children. As soon as your husband is starting with dinner, tell him that you have plans with the girls tomorrow night, so he’ll need to be home at a decent hour to watch the kids while you’re out. Make sure to show him the calendar of which child needs to be where, for what purpose, and tell him that the library books are due back also, and he better not forget.
If he’s not already blubbering incoherently and begging you to help, then call your friends. Then call HIS friends wives/girlfriends. Tell them how unappreciated you feel, and that you’ve decided to strike. And make sure they know to tell their significant others that it was your idea, because of your husband. There is nothing more terrifying than to be held responsible when your friends’ wives aren’t doing everything with them. Because the only thing worse than a chauvinistic pig is a woman who won’t do what she’s told.
If none of that works, call his mother. That’ll learn him.
Hope that helps!