Hi folks (read: mom),
Sorry it’s been a little while since I posted a Life Lesson. I started a new job, things have been pretty hectic, and then I was on vacation (for the first time that I can remember in a long time!). Don’t worry, I’m no more or less funny than I was a few weeks ago. Your loss.
Today I’m going to do that thing that everyone dreads when someone goes on vacation…but with my own twist. I don’t have pictures or crazy slideshows to show you, but let me explain to you just how my vacations work, so that you can have a glimpse into my crazy quirky life, and hopefully walk away with a decent laugh.
First of all, lets look at where and when I’m vacationing. Every year in October, my wife’s family gets together for a camping/fishing trip. In the UP. Yes, you read that right…in OCTOBER, the middle of AUTUMN, when the UP typically doesn’t get any warmer than high 40’s, we all go camping. Furthermore, we wade waist-deep into LAKE SUPERIOR in order to catch fish that we then take back to our cold camp and eat.
For years, my friends thought I was the crazy one. Now you can rest assured that I married into a whole new insanity.
To seal the insanity deal, let me introduce you to our family:
– The uncle who’s favorite game is to throw out bits of copper that he’s hidden in his pocket in order to trick the kids into thinking they can find any.
– The wife who’s favorite uncle is the one who used to play this game with her all the time (see where I’m going with this?)
– The young cousin who tells the worlds worst knock-knock jokes.
– The polish aunt who is addicted to gravy.
– The young friend of the cousins who apparently has a thing for cleaning belly buttons.
– The brother-in-law who’s biggest pet peeve is when you lay your book upside down (it’s bad for the spine).
And all of these tossed into a mix with me, my father-in-law, mother-in-law, and various other family members. You can see I’ve fit in alright.
To give you an idea of what a long weekend feels like on this trip, here is a conversation between our young cousin, her aunt, and myself:
Cousin: Paul McCarthy sure plays a lot of Beatles covers
Aunt: Paul McCartney WAS a Beatle, honey.
Me: Who the heck is Paul McCarthy?
Cousin: Oh, McCartney. Is Paul McCarthy a pop singer, then?
Me: I’ve never heard of Paul McCarthy. Paul McCartney was in the Beatles, and then with Wings!
Cousin: The Red Wings?!
Aunt: No, that’s Darrin McCarty
Cousin: Then who is Paul McCarthy
Aunt: Wasn’t Matt McCarthy on the Breakfast Club? The preppy one.
Cousin: The football player.
Me: (sarcastically), I thought Darrin McCarty played hockey.
Aunt: Yeah, on the Wings with Paul McCartney.
Cousin: Do you know DearPrudence?
To finish up, here are some of the best quotes from the weekend:
“You can either be smart, or pretty. Today is a pretty day”
“I think you need an adult beverage”
“Sounds like you’ve been to anger management”
“…and that’s why I don’t go in the garage”
“Do you need a straw for that gravy?”
“Your dog is going home with an identity crisis”
and my personal favorite:
“Makes you think about why she’d need to bleach the counters…”
Welcome to my vacation, ladies and gentlemen. Can’t wait for next year!