One-Sided Phones Archive

These are some of the one-sided phone conversations that we’ve had the privilege to have witnessed…


“OMG! I totally thought that a ‘droll’ was one of those old Troll Dolls! My in-laws are probably laughing SO hard at me!” -customer on cell at work


“Well, I guess that depends on whether you consider a dog a person or not…” – Girl on cell phone downtown


“I don’t know. Sometimes I just have this overpowering urge to smell my boss’s head!” – Girl on cell at restaurant


If I don’t find a guy I want to date within the next year, then I’m going back to school. – Girl on cell at Wendy’s


I think they put onions in my sandwich. I’m running home now, let me call you when I get off the toilet – Guy in bathroom stall at Meijer


“Jewish people don’t speak English, and they’re great businessmen. Chinese people don’t speak English, and they’re great businessmen. So you don’t have to speak English either to be a great businessman! ” –  college girl at local restaurant

Smoke on the Water

“The one thing I can’t stand at the beach? I hate it when people smoke.” … “Seriously! We’re there to enjoy ourselves, not breath in your cancer!” … “Smoking at the beach is like killing someone at a birthday party.” –  man on cell phone at the gas station


“You know that guy I was going out with? He told me he was going out with me because he liked blondes, and I thought, ‘I’m not a blonde,’ but then I remembered I was… But that’s not a good enough reason to go out with me.” – blonde on a cell at pharmacy


“Seriously, there are so many ants in my house right now, I’ve been tucking my pant legs into my socks when I’m home” – woman on cell at ATM

Only Human

Hello? … I think you have the wrong number … It’s okay. Everybody makes mistakes. You’re only human. – co-worker